


I know you won't stay

by twoheartsx



Series: Zexal Month 2018 [2]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Childhood Trauma, Guilt, M/M, Smut, based on the prompt "So close and yet", it's just a small scene, zexal month
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 00:14:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15569463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoheartsx/pseuds/twoheartsx
Summary: For Zexal MonthKaito and Chris made mistakes in an attempt to right wrongs they didn't create. Now all they can do is try to move on, even if it means going without the other.





	I know you won't stay

**Author's Note:**

> This wrote itself. I left the ending up to your imagination on just what happened. I hope you guys enjoy it!

Kaito had known many forms of suffering. He’d become familiar with the physical kind as well as the emotional. His photon form took a toll on him both physically and mentally and yet, it was more than that. The stress and pain of seeing Haruto in the state their father helped put him in had only added to the toll being taken on his body. Long nights spent looking for numbers and curled up alone in his room, tears streaming down his face at how useless he felt. Because in his mind he could never do enough and he couldn’t do anything right. Because he owed Haruto every bit of his time. Because Haruto was too young to suffer like he had and Kaito could do nothing to stop it or ease the ache. For that, Kaito felt worthless. His only use was to save his brother, nothing more and nothing less. If he had to die to save his brother he gladly would. 

Even after his brother was better. Haruto was healthy once again, it seemed Kaito couldn’t escape the guilt and feelings he’d gained over the years. He’d hurt so many people to get here. It was all for the sake of his brother, but none the less, people still died at his hands. His brother was better, but Kaito wasn’t. Because the damage his Photon form did wouldn’t just go away and neither would the mental weight of every action, every late night spent crying over the fear Haruto wouldn’t ever be okay again. Now Kaito sat on his bed, all alone, and wondered if he’d ever be himself again. The kind Kaito that raised Haruto to be gentle. The good Kaito, not this wounded version of himself. 

Christopher Arclight had always been a kind older brother. He’d looked after Michael and Thomas when they were young, making them food and keeping them out of trouble. He’d been a good supportive older brother to them until he couldn’t be. Until their father didn’t come home one night. One night quickly turned to two. Two nights to a month. Time passed and as it did it became clear Byron Arclight wasn’t coming home. Chris had to go out and look for him and to do that he couldn’t bring his two little brothers along. He handed them over to an orphanage. He remembered the men taking his little brothers away. Michael cried the whole time and Thomas tried to be strong, but once he was away from everyone he cried too. Every day his brothers waited for him. Every single day they hoped their big supportive brother would come and take them away from that awful place. He never did. Christopher Arclight never got his brothers because he died the night the oldest Arclight found Vetrix. When Quinton, because that’s who he was now; not Chris, came to pick his brothers up he lacked the kindness he once held. He pushed them into the car with only a small hug and cold words. His tone demanding in a way Thomas and Michael had never heard before. They met with Vetrix soon after and his brother buried who they once were and took on the names Quattro and Trey. 

Even after things were fixed they never fully were repaired. Trey finally could go to school, it was improvement, but they weren’t a family. Not like before. They could never be like before. It caused Chris’s heart to ache at the thought. They’d fought so hard for something that could never happen. Their father wasn’t revenge driven, but he also wasn’t himself either. Because not everything could be fixed. Quattro still had scars, lines running over his face and in places people didn’t see. He wasn’t as angry, but he wasn’t the Quattro Trey had grew up alongside. He was the Quattro Chris watched grow for thirteen years. He wasn’t the Chris both his brother grew up alongside either though. He tried not to think about how even as they tried to rebuild their broken family, none of them ever called the other by their birth names. Because things couldn’t fully be fixed and they couldn’t pull who they once were from the graves they’d dug. Chris longed to be the man he once was. The brother that Quattro and Michael ran to and laughed with. The good supportive older brother. He wanted it like a dying man wanted to breath, but it seemed he always fell short. Things were getting better, but they weren’t normal yet. It broke Chris’s heart when Michael would ask if they’d ever be a family again. If things would ever be normal. It hurt because things would never be normal and after all the pain he’d inflected on his little brothers, that orphanage was so awful, he’d heard stories. After everything Chris couldn’t break Michael's fragile hope so he always lied and said they’d be normal again one day. He was sure Michael knew it was lie. Michael was smart. He knew and yet he never said anything against it. Because he wanted to believe things would be okay. Chris couldn’t take that from him. 

Chris pressed his forehead to Kaito’s, breathing hard against his lips as they moved together. In this moment they didn’t think about anything other than the pure pleasure rising between them. They’re teeth and tongue and rough movements. Kaito’s nails make marks in Chris’s back, digging deep when Chris drives himself deeper. Kaito doesn’t call what he and Chris has love. He never dared speak those words. He and Chris didn’t seem to have it in them. At least not anymore. Maybe in the next life, if there even was one for a soul like Kaito’s. Maybe at some point in time they could fall in love and be perfect, or as close to perfect as two human beings in love can get. In another life, but in this one they just feed on each other and temporarily cover wounds that won’t ever heal. Because they can’t go back from who they are, no matter how much they wish they could. 

Kaito stands by the balcony door, Chris’s shirt hanging off his shoulder. His head is leaning on the cold glass and all Kaito can do is let his mind race. It runs wild and he barely registers Chris wrapping his arms around Kaito from behind. In their reflection Kaito can see Chris’s troubled expression. Kaito turned to face Chris and pressed their lips together. It was different from all their other kisses they’d share. Something tragic was held in the press of their lips. Kaito pulled back and with that pull away from Chris’s arms. Outside it had started to rain, a mood fitting of the situation. 

“So you’re going?” Chris asked even though he already knew the answer. He knew Kaito was leaving and nothing he said could change that. Kaito felt unredeemable and with Haruto better he was searching for a new reason. As if he were soul searching in some way. 

“For a little bit.” Kaito says it with such simplicity. As if he’s commenting on the weather and Chris imagines he’s rehearsed in his head many times this exact moment. That was just like Kaito to make this play out his way. Which meant Chris had to let him go without a fight. 

“So close to us figuring out a way to make this work and yet,” Kaito turns his gaze away because he won’t fight Chris on this. He glances back and sees a sad smile spread over Chris’s lips. “When you come back we’ll figure it out.” 

“Yeah.” It’s such a simple answer to a complex situation. Kaito goes to remove Chris’s shirt, but Chris just shakes his head. 

“Keep it. You can give it back to me when you return.” It’s a promise between them and Kaito wants to deny Chris this chance. To make his ghost linger as Kaito finds himself, or loses himself again, whichever destiny decides for him. Kaito pulls on his pants and overcoat, handing his shirt to Chris. 

“To remember me by.” Part of Kaito begs Chris to forget him and the other part pleads with him to keep him in his memory. Without another word from either of them Kaito leaves. He steps out into the rain and shivers at the chill in the air. It’s cold, but Kaito knows it won’t last long. He looks down at his hands, the same ones that had stole so many souls, the ones that had held Haruto close. The ones Chris had came to love and Kaito hoped he forgot. He kept walking, rain washing down his cheeks and masking his tears. He soon found the rain wasn’t cold, he couldn’t feel the cold anymore. A burning heat resonating from his chest, the place a heart would be, if he still had one and all Kaito could think was,

“How fitting this ending is for me?”


End file.
